Sorry Charlie!

My goals and resolutions are pretty petty this year. Sorry dolphins. I'll save you in 2012.
1. Try contacts. I need to grow up and just try them.
2. Get a new hair style.
3. Lose 20 more lbs-Then maybe my BMI will be in the normal range!
4. Buy clothes that are cute and fit correctly--I tend to buy ill fitting or weird, loud pieces to draw attention away from the person who is actually wearing the clothing.
5. Shoes. Shoes that fit. I wear a size 7. Not an 8. If there is only a size 8 available, I will not buy that pair.   My arches don't like me anymore.
6.Take pictures. I  don't really have any pictures to show for the last 10 years..and I want cool professional ones done of A and me.
That is it so far....More to come.

The chili dip from the Fun and Fondue party!

Here it is...
1 can Nalley's hot chili w/ beans
1 can Nalley's reg. chili w/ beans
1 package cream cheese (softened)
1/2 small jar of Pace Picante-mild

Mix it all together and microwave it up. Thank Brad for this gem.

I leiu of an end of year update..

Here is a script of me thinking to myself about what to put in my end of year newsletter..

So, Julie, 2010 wasn't a great one for the books was it?
Uhh..seriously? This is my inner monologue? Yah, I guess it could have been better..We had some good times though, right?
Er, sure. You did score that sweet apartment last week. Kudos to you, hope you can pay the rent in 2011.
Thanks. You're so supportive. SO, what was it we were talking about? Oh, 2010. I think next year we shoul-
You know, Jules, you really have no business what so ever trying to plan next year. You really fudged this one up. Did you even send out Christmas Ecards? I didn't think so. Those take, like, two seconds to do. 
Well, I was looking at som-
Look, I think we should maybe just take a break for a while and..well..I just don't think this is working out.  
What, this blog post? Yah, it's a little awkward. Good think I only have 3 people that pop in from time to time. (laughs)
No, I mean you and me. We just aren't the same, Julie. I think we should take some time apart..You know, see other people.. Break up.
Huh?
It's a new year. Go out, find another inner monologue. You're still young.
Wait, did I just break up with myself?
**Chirp Chirp**
Shit.

I can't even come up with a witty title to this one.

Ugh..The realization that I am going to be single again just hit and it is not like an episode of Sex and The City. I don't have "girls", and I don't like appletinis.  In fact, I have no desire to openly date around. My social abilities are awkward at best, and my amazing talent to suck the life out of a room hasn't won me too many admirers. So please, no dates. No set ups. No..anything.

I got invited to a party last week. I got ready to go, but ended up flaking out and going to bed instead. The idea of meeting new people sounded pretty terrible. I have enough energy to Facebook and that is about it..

It fits.

Un soupir de soulagement!

Yes...a sigh of relief. I have found an apartment and it is awesome. Pictures to come.
Also, I have found something new to obsess over--Myself! Yes me. Don't get me wrong, I still obsess over Averie-- but I think I actually got lost in the shuffle over the last few years.

A month in review

Blech. November was a crazy month...

I went public with the news that I am getting the "Big D". Yep, el divorcio. But it's ok. I'm ok. The worst is over, I told my family and the papers are printed out waiting to be filed.
You know how when people go through hard stuff, they usually want the company and support of others? For some reason I am not that person. The issues with my husband have been going on for years, but I never clued anyone in..So then, BAM, I hit my family (the week of Thanksgiving) with the news that B and I are getting D'd (all over your T's...hehe) and then I don't understand why I get the responses I get from my family..
In other news, I went to Disneyland and got my fortune read by the Esmeralda machine, went to the beach and hung out with Eddie Day at The Fling.

Vinnie's papi, commiserating over Esmeralda's infinite wisdom

 

I threw a penny into Snow White's wishing well..I hope I get my wish

Palin' some mind games..

See what I did with that??

I got caught up on Sister Wives today, and I guess TLC is going to broadcast (do they still call it broadcasting?) a mini series called Sarah Palin's Alaska. After seeing about 300 commercials for it during the 30 minute S.W. show I guess it got my attention. I will be DVRing it. I told B-rad and his response was, "Why, as a joke?" No, no joke. I honestly think it looks like a nice show. It's Sarah! Not Gov. Palin, just good ol' Sarah! That's when it hit me: Its supposed to make me feel like that. Watch the clip, its pretty darn likable.
http://tv.yahoo.com/show/46073/videos/22530820

songs that make me cry everytime

(in no particular order)

• All My Trials, Peter Paul and Mary (the only cover band I approve of)
• It's Alright, Don't Think Twice, Bob Dylan
• Maybe Not, Cat Power
• Little Boy Bubble, when sung by my grandpa
• Bei Männern welche Liebe fühlen, Mozart

I'm a wubby. The end.

Big bag o' pictures

I just have too much stuff in my house. I have decided to just start scanning my pictures and discarding the originals. I have BAGS of photos, I don't scrap and if I did I would just end up with tons of books. Am I wrong to just ditch the artifacts after scanning?

Lost verses of The Diarrhea Song.

Av came up with these verses of The Diarrhea Song..
"If you feel a toot, but you need to go poop and it comes out poop instead of the toot, its diarrhea, diarrhea."
"If you see an X on a map, and it makes you poop, then diarrhea, diarrhea."
"If you see a pillow, and you sit on it and you think you tooted, but it really was poo, diarrhea, diarrhea."
"If your at a park, and you go down a slide while your poop comes out, of your bum, diarrhea, diarrhea."

The End.

Better than you!

I think the generation before mine would describe my actions as "Yuppy".
Today I:

• Donated $$$ to public radio (KRCL)
• Drank a Kombucha tea
• Ate organic flax seed blue corn tortilla chips with organic mango salsa

 Nananana boo boo, I'm better than you, stick your head in doo doo.

Big R

After I posted Av's thoughts about Jesus, I came up with some thoughts of my own..Not so much about Jesus, but about whether or not I should start correcting Averie about the things she thinks and says about Him. And I decided that whatever she thinks about Him, religion or whatever is just fine. I want her to have her own thoughts about this kind of stuff, no matter how irrational or profound they may be. I feel like I was always told what I should believe, and in turn have grown to believe almost nothing. Maybe, if I had been encouraged to believe whatever I felt to be right, I would actually have some sort of connection to my religion. I mean, what good does telling a kid that what they think about heaven, or God is wrong? What good does that do anyone?
I love that my family is so involved in their religion, and I will always support their spiritual endeavors, no matter what they are. I hope that if or when I find some sort of spiritual connection, or whatever I decide moves me in that direction I will be met with the same kind of support.

More thoughts about Big J.

Averie's thoughts about Jesus are my favorite things ever. Today she told me that the earth is actually Jesus' body. The roads are his neck, our house is his big toe and the clouds are his nips. Also, it is raining right now because Jesus was playing a lot this morning and got really sweaty and stinky, so he had to take a bath.
No disrespect, she is 4.

Funny little A

Here are some recent developments in Av's world...

Averie told me this was "The mask of a good woman". Deep.

• Meep. Instead of answering me yes or no, sometimes she will just say Meep.
• She wants to be Cat Woman for Halloween because Connor at school is going to be Batman, but she doesn't want to marry Connor because her one true love is a boy named Case.
• Casper (the friendly ghost) is still hanging around our house, but he is now her brother as opposed to her one true love. Thanks Case!
• Av can do math on her fingers. Can you believe it??!?
• According to Averie, when you play this little piggie the pinky pig is the smelliest one of all.

Back to normal.

I don't know what was going on with me over the summer..shirts with patterns? Khaki pants and Choco sandals worn outside of hiking situations?? Pastels??? Long hair????
Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that I'm back to normal, and basics. Straight legs jeans, black tee shirts and cardigans. The hair is short and choppy. The end. Every few years, I go through some sort of identity crisis, and look like an a-hole for a few months. Glad that's over.

Stories at my fingertips giveaway!

Check out this cute blog, and enter to win an Anthropologie gift card. Enjoy <3
Stories at my fingertips

Bored to Death

I entered an awesome writing contest..please vote for my entry for the worst opening paragraph of a detective novel.
Jenner McRenegade, Private Eye: The Final Stop

And don't forget to watch Bored to Death on HBO.

Lack of direction... need to figure my crap out.

So, I'm in school. First, I thought, "Hey, maybe I will go into nursing!". Took some of the pre-req classes, and hated them. Then I thought, "Well, maybe I will study behavioral science", I like those classes, but have a problem: I truly dislike most people. I'm not completely anti social, but I tend to get annoyed by people's crap..or general personalities...easily. For example, I have to walk through the Liberal Arts building twice a day, on school days. I loathe the general population of the LA building because:
1. Lots of barefooted 18 year olds walk through the halls. I just hate 18 year olds and their ridiculousness, and lack of shoe-lyness.
2. There is always some dude strumming a guitar, while walking around aimlessly.
3. It is THE MOST crowded building on campus.
4. People tend to sit in clumpy groups, in the middle of the hall, talking about how awesome Auguste Comte is, or something like that.
5. People long board through the carpeted hallways ONLY in this building. I would love to see someone try that in the Pope Science Building..Our nerdy disapproving glances would culminate into some sort of laser vision, causing the boarder to burst into flames.

Anyways, I am changing my major. I would rather study rocks than people. Really. I get rocks, I get chemistry, I get science--just not the social kind.

Embracing my inner geekiness

The geek has always been there..inside me. How I become giddy when a Star Wars reference is made, the way my heart sings while breaking down chemical formulas and my life long crush on Bill Nye. It's there, it's a part of me and gosh darn it, I am not afraid to show my geeky side anymore.

Get it???

Friday's thoughts

First: I have an awesome husband. He took one for the team (my team) and took A to go see Nanny Mc Phee and her gruesome mole. Wouldn't that be great if that was the actual title of the movie? Anyways, it gave me a chance to rekindle a relationship with my old fling: Nothing.

               Dear Nothing, 

We rarely get to see each other anymore, and I'm sorry that I have been spending so much time with Something lately. I miss you. The way we didn't do much of anything while the hours flew by, the way you didn't pester me for attention. I just wanted you to know, Sweet Nothingness, that I will always be here...waiting for the chance to waste time with you again.

Things that I did today while doing nothing: 

Watched Mama Mia by myself 

Walked around Nordstrom

Flat Ironed my hair

Played with makeup

Changed my outfit twice.

 It was AWESOME.

2 kids

We watched our niece Cassy today, she is very much a 5 year old. We (I) decided to take the Famdamily on a hike to Battle Creek Falls, a short 1.2 mile round trip hike. I got complaining from all parties involved, and now I am in need of a hiking buddy. Brad has expressed his distaste for hikes, but insists I do not hike alone. I joined a hiking club on Meetup.com, but they only do hikes up in Salt Lake County. I am proposing a Utah Valley hiking group. Please join?
These were all I could coax out of two crabby kids this afternoon.

Chair

I had a chair, sorry no before picture, and the upholstery was falling apart, so I decided to recover it to match the amazing foot stool from my grandma's house. A trip to IKEA, one to Micheal's, and a staple gun led to this result:

A close up of my handiwork

The dress, the body

The dress.

Alright, so my mom gave me some of my grandma's dresses from the 1950's and I don't quite fit into them. This green dress will look awesome on me once I slim down a bit, so I figured I'd share my goal dress. I'm thinking it is about a size 8..? Thanks to my sister, LaYen, and her awesome taste in gift giving, I start my fist of 12 personal training sessions tomorrow! Yippee!

The body.

Those great Danes!

My Dad, younger brother, Averie and I went to a Danish/American family reunion today, to meet the Danes that were left behind when my great grandparents came to America. It was pretty neat, and confirmed that awkward family reunions transcend international borders. I probably talked to my Danish family members (that didn't speak any English) just about as much as I talked to the ones that live here in Utah. My encounters with  Danish relatives went pretty much like this:
Me: (awkward smile and head nod) "Hi. Your viking ship looks good."
Danish cousin: (awkward smile and head nod) "Hmm.. Oh-kAY."
My encounters with distant Utah cousins whom I don't know went like this:
Me: (awkward smile and head nod) "Did you make the frog eye salad? Looks good."
Utah cousin:  (awkward smile and head nod) "Nope."
**10 second pause of not knowing anything else to say**
Me: "Hmm...Okay."

In the end, we all came together for a family session of line dancing. Further proof that my inability to dance is genetic, and that line dancing blows.

My grandma Bev (right) with her cousin Joan (top) and sister Margaret.

The children, making miniature viking ships. Can you spot the Dane in this picture?

A Danish Baby

Lars, the Danish ferry captain

Stine and Anders Neilson

Viking antics.

The Danish Q&A panel? Not sure why we made them sit like that.

The Averie Show! (episode 2)

This episode: Averie singing a medley from Annie.
Next episode: Oopma Loompas

Update

Uh oh..Just whipped up some homemade butter to go with my banana bread. Oh snap!

Domestic Sunday!

Call me Martha, because I am on a domestic kick today. I tilled, fertilized (with organic spikes--no doodoo), and planted peas in my garden. Then, I picked grape tomatoes, got the beans I picked yesterday ready to cook and made some banana bread. I even milled the flower I used for the bread (a blend of oats and flax, thank you very much). I dare any of Brigham's wives to out-homemaker me today.

Thy name be Awesome

My older sister is pretty much awesome. I have just been thinking about her awesomeness and felt like sharing the love. La Yen

Oh Baby, I can't wait until you are in my arms.

 

 

Seriously folks, this will be the first book I will buy at full price since working for Borders. That means a lot, coming from the girl that whined when books were available for purchase at ONLY 33% off (the mark up on books is not great, so 33% off of a book is quite a bit from a bookseller's P.O.V.). If you have not read The Hunger Games or it's sequel, Catching Fire, you need to.

Timpanogos Hike #1 2010

Brad and I have decided that we are going to start hiking every week. Real hikes..Ones that are at least a few miles each way. No more of the "walking to the basin of Bridal Veil and calling that a hike", hikes. For our first hike we decided to do Timpanogos Cave..It's about a mile and a half to the cave's entrance, but 1,000 ft. elevation gain in that short of a distance is pretty intense (if you are out of shape like us). Anyways, we really enjoyed the hike, and lucked out with a really good cave guide. We will be doing this again soon, but will be taking the Introduction to Caving tour where you get to wear a headlamp and venture off the tour with a guide. Anyone care to join?

The Averie Show!

My hammy, little girl.

Bloggin overhaul!

Redid da' blog. Maybe YOU will start following?

Friday's thoughts...

A world without steam in bag broccoli with cheese sauce is a world I don't want to live in.

8 things that will make your wife want to beat you up

8. Growing a mustache
7. Coming into bed after your wife is asleep and "making a move"
6. Talking about how awesome Fuddrucker's hamburgers are when your wife is on a diet
5. Trimming your beard hair and leaving it in the sink
4. Taking 45 minutes to poop
3. Starting a project, never finishing it but leaving it in the garage forever
2. Using up all the DVR memory to record basketball games you will never watch
1. Getting out of cleaning the kitchen because you promise you will do it the next day... then still not clean it.

I'm sure I could think of more than 8 things but I have to go clean the kitchen.

Waterfalls, dogs wearing bandansas and a quilt. Must be summer.

Unemployment has made me a better person. Plain and simple. I have time to do stuff like take Averie and the pups hiking, learn how to sew (thank you, sister) and pretty much hang out with my family. It's nice.
And now some pictures!

obsessed

The only way I can be successful at anything is if I obsess about it. Eating healthy doesn't come naturally to me, so I have to be thinking about Weight Watchers all the time. My husband is sick of listening to me yap about points and can't stand grocery shopping with me (because I have to take out the points calculator that irocksowhat gave me and figure EVERYTHING out) but when my buns stop looking like giant golf balls he will sing a different tune. Don't be surprised if I get a Weight Watchers tattoo..Oh wait I already learned my lesson with the vegan one.

1 point gems!

Day 3 of Weight Watchers and I am on the lookout for low point items..
Here are some goodies I have found so far:
Wasa Fiber crackers (they are long like graham crackers) 2 crackers: 1pt
Ball Park fat free turkey franks: 1pt
sugar free Fudgesicles (2 pieces): 1pt
Cod fillets (4oz): 1pt
Hershey's 100 calorie chocolate covered pretzles 1 pack: 2pts

 Also, 3lbs down so far!

Buy Old! A few thoughts about thrift.

I am a big believer and lover of all things retro..If it came from 1982 or earlier it should belong in my home. There are certain things that I will only buy "old" because they are, simply, made better. For instance, I purchased a new Emerson record player less than 4 years ago and the turn table is already off balance and the needle needs to be replaced. Today I purchased a 1981 Playtime brand Sesame Street record player that works better than the Emerson ever did. Boy do I have egg all over my face!

Another example of something you should "buy old" is Pyrex. New Pyrex is way over priced and will most likely blow up in your oven at some point in time. Go to Savers and buy your bakeware there- it is cheaper, will probably have an awesome pattern and is a lot sturdier than your WalMart's Anchor or Pyrex sets (but only buy the Pyrex. Any other brand is inferior).

Other things you should definitely consider checking the local Good Will for before you run to Target are: Books (especially kids books- you can find some gems at the thrift store!), bicycles, furniture, big kid's toys (i.e. doll houses) and musical instruments. 

For you first timers out in Blogland, if you are a little apprehensive about touching things that have passed through stinky or dirty hands (which a lot of thrift store junk has), bring some antiseptic wipes to the store with you. Before you touch it give it a little wipe down and POOF good as new.

A seasoned thrifter should never leave the house without: Hand sanitizer, an extra reusable shopping bag (because thrift stores tend to buy REALLY crappy plastic bags that break and cause the set of Snoopy collector glasses you just bought to shatter), and a cleaned out trunk or back seat. Who knows if you are going to find a Schwinn Sting Ray, that will have to take up most of your car's space, on this trip today?

I hope you feel inspired, have a renewed thrifting spirit this summer and keep me posted of your awesome finds!

My poor little baby!

Averie had her first ear infection today. Both ears. While at the ER (its Memorial day so nothing is open) she turned to me and asked if she was the saddest thing I have ever seen in all my life, and yes she was. Her palms pressed so tightly against her ears and the tears rolling down her cheeks totally broke my heart. I am a sucker for my kid.

Give me a sign

Averie: Mom, I really wish someone would give me a sign that I was going to be able to play at Cassie's today. I just really need a sign, Mom. Will you buy me a sign?

Jealous of my husband's boyfriend

I have, literally, 2 friends. Both of them live in states other than the one I am in. Brad has no problem making friends and getting invited to do man stuff all the time. Right now he is at some meat smoker extravaganza with some dude. When Brad is off of work I want to hang out with him and it makes me totally jealous that he has other things to do and other people to do them with. I need some freaking friends.

School, schmool.

Class is pretty cool so far. I REALLY like my Criminal Justice professor. He is like an uber Conservative used-to-be-a-badass-in-the-navy Alan Fick look alike. Should be awesome.
Also, I have found out that my little brother (who was SUPPOSED to be the "great white hope" of the family) is getting worse grades than I did in high school! What's going on dude? Is he on the dope? No. He's on the P.S. 3.
To clarify, I got some pretty crappy grades my freshman and sophomore year due to inherent laziness, and excess of boyfriends and smart-ass-ery. Junior and senior year, I ruled because I figured out exactly what I needed to do to be on all my teachers good sides, granting me the privilege to smart ass my way to graduation and still manage to be pretty rad. I was like a female Zack Morris.
Now, I just get the good grades out of spite. Nothing more. I try extra hard in class just to "show them" (Yeah, you!). I think because I have made so many stupid choices and have a lot of dumb tattoos, I feel like I have to at least do well in school so I can be that girl who did well in class even though she (obviously) was the mess up of the bunch for most of her life. This is also the reason why I am such an awesome Mom(Okay, Averie does most of the work, but still I did birth her). I just feel like I have something to prove, you know?

Singe and a haircut-no charge!

I just had to have barbecued chicken for dinner. Brad is usually the one who man's the BBQ but he was working. I turned on the propane, hit the ignite button and nothing happened so I shut the lid and turned the propane up a little. After I hit the ignition I lifted up the lid and flames (back draft style) shot out at me! I singed all the hair around my face, my eyebrows and the hair on my arms!

FAIL

Confident Cooker

Thanks to my sister's awesome butter chicken recipe (that I have totally mastered) I feel pretty confident in my Indian food cooking skills. On tonight's menu: Chapatis with spicy potato filling, aloo gobi and sweet potato dal. Oh yeah.

The scum of the neighborhood

Yes, that is our house. The worst looking house on the whole street. Our grass is dead, the bushes are overgrown and the rain gutter is halfway hanging off the house. The paint is chipped, the carport roof is slanted. We have barky dogs. We never mow the lawn (Its all weeds. Dead grass, remember?) because we don't have a mower. I feel like I should make a big sign for the front lawn that reads "I am a renter. I know the house looks like poop, but I don't own it SO THERE." Maybe that would make the passerby-ers stop judging me.

Lets just wipe our butts with money.

$400.00 on textbooks. Really? I will search as far as the ends of this earth to find cheap, used copies of my required texts to avoid spending that much on books this semester. Last time I just took my syllabus into the library and made copies of the pages I needed to have for the week. Ghetto? Yes. Legal? Not sure, but I didn't have much of a choice. I am about to go meet some dude in an alley somewhere to buy my criminal justice book (for $50.00!) like some sort of shady drug deal. I understand that the publishing industry is hurting these days, but charging $113.00 for a book is pretty redonk. It's not like the professor that wrote it is making any money either, it's the bookstore and publishing companies that are wiping their booties with dough.

Better living through television

I love to be entertained and I love to get wrapped up in ridiculous television. I just finished Dexter and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and now have a late-night void in my life. Staying up late and watching TV on my computer is in my top 10 favorite things to do (Yes, I am that pathetic, but I'm really good at watching TV). Last night I tried to master my sewing machine and found that it is not a relaxing activity due to my ability to jam the bobbin every 5 minutes. I used to read for a few hours every night, but now that I don't work at a bookstore I have to take my time with books because I don't have a bazillion of them at my fingertips anymore. I guess I will just have to start going to sleep..What a concept.

shred

Did the shred workout today and ate 2 pieces of white bread with jam afterward. Way to go.

4/19/2010

Me: Hey Averie, how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Averie: Enough to kill him.

True conversation

unsuccesfully burgled

I awoke this morning to find my fold-a-bike out of our car port and in the middle of the street and our patio gate broken open :(
I can only conclude that someone tried to brake into our patio but was scared away by Maggie and tried to flee the crime by riding away on my fold-a-bike. They didn't get far because the chain is broken. Our neighbors have a surveillance system so they are going to look through the footage of last night. To be continued.
*cue law and order music now*

Clean my house!

Today is a day for cleaning the WHOLE house! Even closets!

Whiskey a go go!

I am not a whiskey fan, but Brad made the most amazing bourbon vanilla ice cream today. Holly cow! We are going to put candied pe-CANs in the next batch.
Any names for Brad's ice creamery business anyone?

INSANITY!

So, I procured the INSANITY! DVDs and started the first workout...I didn't even make it through the whole thing before I landed some intense jumping move incorrectly and hurt myself. Brad concluded that I should just do yoga.

Bad Dog

Check out my new blog, Bad Dog. Send me pictures of your Bad Dog and your Bad Dog's crime scenes and I will pick a winner every month. This month's prize is a $5.00 gift card to Petsmart!
If you don't have a bad dog, send my page to someone who does.
www.yourbaddog.blogspot.com

Rockabye

I have been a fan of Michael Armstrong's Rockabye Baby! CDs and just got the No Doubt one. It RULES! If you have a baby, (or just like to listen to glockenspiel) get this one. I have just about all the Rockabye Baby! albums so if you are curious and want a listen hit me up. I bought a really awesome little ipod speaker from BB&beyond for $2.99 so Averie will have some music to listen to while going to sleep. Why didn't I think of that 3 years ago?

One last thing

I tried to explain Jesus and the Crucifixion (briefly) to my 4 year old yesterday and tonight as we were driving home she started getting upset because there was a searchlight beaming from the roof of a Sizzler. Why Sizzler had a searchlight is unknown..Maybe they were calling to Shrimpfest Man, Batman's distant cousin? Anyways, Averie was worried that the "laser" (searchlight) was going to kill Jesus. "It's pointing right up to Heaven, Mom! They are trying to kill Jesus..Again!"

Sleep Over

Averie has 2 cousins over (both age 4..twins in fact) for a 2 night sleep over. They all just got in bed and it's 9:51 pm. Let's see how long it takes for them to actually go to sleep.

Easter Eggs

Some egg dying pictures! This is the first Easter that Averie has really understood the whole Easter Bunny thing.